Altar Call – Opelika-Auburn News
Walter Albritton
January 10, 2021
Moving
through the stages of grief
Grief is
not new to me. It interrupted my life when I was 24 and our young son was taken
from us by leukemia. Dean and I worked our way through our sorrow with the help
of family and friends. We found some help in a couple of books about how to
cope with the loss of a child. However, our greatest source of comfort came
from reading and believing the promises of God found in the Bible.
The remarkable book, On Death and
Dying, by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, would not be published until some years
after our son’s death. I read it with keen interest and became familiar with
what she called the five stages of dying – denial, anger, bargaining,
depression and acceptance.
Later I would gain greater clarity about grief from the book, On
Grief and Grieving, which Kubler-Ross co-authored with David Kessler, and
in which they adapted the stages of dying to those in grief. It is important to
understand that the authors did not suggest that, in grief, the five stages
would be experienced on a linear timeline, or that everyone goes through all
the stages. They are tools to help people identify their feelings or responses
to the loss of a loved one. As Kessler explains, “They were never meant to help
tuck messy emotions into neat packages. Our hope is that with these stages
comes the knowledge of grief’s terrain, making us better equipped to cope with
life and loss.”
I have found what Kessler said to be true for me in the recent
death of my wife. I have experienced few feelings of denial, anger or
bargaining. But depression descended upon me like a fog; it had me by the
throat for days. Self-pity thrives in sadness. As I struggled with overwhelming
despair, I was focused almost entirely upon my loss. A week passed before it
finally dawned on me that I was not the only one grieving; my four sons had
lost their mother. I apologized for my self-centeredness.
My plans were scrambled. For years I
had assumed I would die first so I had made plans for Dean’s care after my
departure. Suddenly, six weeks after breaking her left hip, she was gone. I may
be wrong but I don’t think I was angry about my plans being scuttled; I was
just frustrated. Fortunately, I did not turn my back on God for I felt He was
with me, helping me to identify my self-pity and showing me the way out of it.
The way out was the stage of acceptance.
Slowly I began to accept the reality that Dean’s
life on earth was over. But grace helped me embrace her death with faith rather
than despair. I chose not to say that Dean is dead and buried. Instead I said
Dean’s body has died but her spirit, her soul, is alive and well, joyfully
celebrating the gift of eternal life in the presence of her Savior, our Lord
Jesus Christ. Dean was not a body; she was a soul who had a body. Her body, the
shell her soul used to serve Jesus, is in the grave but Dean is not in that
grave. She is with her heavenly Father, awaiting my arrival. She is now in that
great cloud of witnesses who are cheering me on to serve Jesus faithfully until
He calls me home.
Turning to gratitude helped me to
move gradually away from mourning over my loss. I began to focus on the many
ways God had blessed me. He allowed me to be married to a remarkable servant of
Christ for more than 68 and a half years. He gave her a long and
wonderful life of 88 and a half years. God made it possible for us to travel
around the world together, visiting mission work in 26 countries. We flew three
times to Zambia to love and encourage our brothers and sisters there in the
work of Christ. We led mission work teams to Mexico, Costa Rica and Ecuador. Finally,
he led us to love the people and share the work of New Walk of Life Church in
west Montgomery.
God inspired Dean to support me in evangelistic work for four
years all over America as God used Lay Witness Missions to turn people to
Jesus. We served churches together in Alabama and Florida for more than 60
years. After our first son died, God gave us four remarkable sons who have
given us 12 grandchildren and 15 great grandchildren. No one ever had a more
wonderful, Christ-filled companion in the work of the Lord! So, in words from
the song His Eye is On the Sparrow, “Why should I feel discouraged, why
should the shadows come, why should my heart be lonely, and long for heaven and
home, when Jesus is my portion? My constant Friend is He: His eye is on the sparrow,
and I know He watches me.” No, by the grace of God, I will not surrender to
despair; I will look upward, and travel onward, and not be afraid, or lonely or
sad! I will be glad and give thanks for the undeserved goodness of God!
Many family members and friends have
helped me move into and through the stage of acceptance. Several have said they
can “see” Dean dancing with joy in heaven. I like that for Dean loved to dance.
I never learned to dance well so I am hoping Saint Peter will offer me a few dancing
lessons as I walk through the Pearly Gates. Dean’s laughter will fill the halls
of heaven when she realizes I have finally learned to dance.
Several people who have walked this
road of sorrow, losing a spouse before I did, have encouraged me with words of
hope and faith. Their kind and sensitive messages have comforted me greatly.
Many other friends have blessed me by assuring me of their love and prayers as
I wrestle with the misery of grief.
One surprising source of comfort has
come through perusing Dean’s several Bibles and devotional books. I had never
looked at them before her passing. Now I am so blessed to read brief remarks
and testimonies of her faith which she scribbled on page after page, always
giving the year of each statement. While Dean adored the writing of Thomas
Merton, her favorite devotional book was Morning by Morning by Charles
Spurgeon. I will leave it to you to imagine the joy I felt when I read these words Dean wrote on July 3, 2009. She was in the hospital
recovering from a serious illness:
“Today is a new day. I am feeling
better. My body is working well and I took my first deep breath in over a week.
I have determined I am going home. That’s where I heal best. Being close to
Walter will be my greatest medicine. Together, with the Lord’s help, we can
overcome this setback. I am writing this in faith believing that God is still
on His Throne. I read in the Bible of people making vows. Those who kept their
vows were blessed. Today I vow to do more for hurting people. I can encourage
hurting people. I can write letters and call people to lift their spirits. I
can no longer go on mission trips but Walter and I can help other people go. Lord,
with whatever time you give me to live, I vow to serve you by helping hurting
people.” Similar comments, sprinkled throughout Dean’s Bibles and devotional
books, inspire me to praise God for the woman He gave me!
Consider this a progress report. I
am still moving through the stages of grief. That journey is not done. But
despite the darkness, I see the light on the other shore, beckoning me to fight
the good fight, finish the race and keep the faith. + + +