Altar
Call – Opelika-Auburn News
Walter
Albritton
June
16, 2013
It took me 40
years to learn an important lesson for fathers
In my fortieth year I learned a very
important lesson about being a father. By that time my wife had given birth to
five sons. Our first son had died at three but his brothers were then 15, 12,
10 and 8.
We were learning how to be a family.
The oldest son had quickly taught us that raising teenagers was more of a
challenge than we had anticipated. As teenage boys will do, he was testing our
authority daily and pushing hard against whatever boundaries we had set.
Our boundaries were mostly
reactionary, not well thought out. When the boys got in trouble we responded by
establishing a rule. We were writing our book of rules on the run. I learned by
trial and error that children need boundaries.
In the meantime my focus was almost
entirely on my work. My career as a minister was my primary concern. I worked
hard at what I was doing, this the result of the work ethic instilled in me by
my hardworking father. He worked from daylight till dark as a farmer. I did the
same as a preacher.
At the time I was traveling a lot
because I was “in demand.” Many months I was out of town more than half the
time. I left the needs of the family up to my wife. Sometimes she would punch
me in the stomach with a comment like this: “Tell your father goodbye,
children; he is off to save the world again.” And I knew she was thinking
“while his family goes to hell.”
My wife would shame me occasionally into
taking time off for “time with the family.” But even on a family picnic or a trip to the
park my mind was on what mattered most to me – my work. As a result our family
outings led not to harmony but disharmony.
As the tension mounted I realized that
my wife was not a happy camper. She told me bluntly one day as I was about to
catch another plane, “I am sick and tired of being the
father and the mother of this family.” I left that day as I left many other
days – sick and troubled inside. Things were going badly for us and I knew it.
So it was that in the year I turned
forty I found myself alone in a retreat center in Indiana. I had come to a
crossroads. My wife was miserable and our family was scrambled eggs. What was
worse, I did not have a clue how to fix the problem.
Deeply troubled I prayed hard,
desperately seeking guidance from the Lord. And it was the Lord I believe who
reminded me of a question a man had asked me a few days before: “If you could
do anything you wanted to do, what would you do?” Pondering that question,
which shook me to the core, I found the answer to my dilemma.
My heart pounding, I realized that
more than anything else in the world I wanted to be a successful father and
husband. My career would be like sand in my hands if I lost the love and
respect of my boys and my wife. I admitted to myself that my wife was right and
I was wrong. There, in those hours alone with God, I made the decision to put
my family first, ahead of my career.
I came home, gave up my traveling ministry
and asked my bishop to appoint me the pastor of a church. I knew my family
problems would not be solved quickly but I knew also that the first step was to
become a resident father. Within three months of my decision in Indiana I had
done that.
As a father in residence I made many
more mistakes as a dad and husband. But I was at home making those mistakes. Slowly
we worked together to build not a perfect family but a stronger family. We
picked up the pieces of our marriage and the Lord helped us to become truly
one. And that bonding is still strong as move toward our 62nd
anniversary.
The lesson it took me forty years to
learn is this: A man’s family is more important than his career. The family
should be a man’s primary concern. If the pursuit of a successful career costs
a man his family, his success will be hollow and little comfort to him in his
old age. Fortunate is the man who learns this lesson in time to get his
priorities in order. + + +