Altar Call – Opelika-Auburn News
July 18, 2010
Dog stories are as welcome as a hot dog at a baseball game
Hearing a good dog story is like a gentle breeze on a sultry day or as welcome as a hot dog at a baseball game. I will walk a mile to hear a good story about a dog. Actually I am suspicious of people who do not enjoy dog stories. A good sign of normal intelligence is a love of dog stories because a good one can make your day.
A dear friend sent me a story about a talking dog. At first I could not believe it either but wait till you hear about that dog.
Near Washington, D.C., a man spotted a sign in front of a home. The sign read, “Talking Dog for Sale.” Intrigued, the man stops and inquires about the dog. The owner tells him the dog, a black mutt that is not very impressive looking, is in the backyard.
“Do you talk?” the man asks the dog.
“Sure do,” the dog replies.
“So, what is your story?”
The dog looks up and says, “Well, I discovered my gift of talking when I was very young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift. In no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders. No one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years.
“So you quit the CIA?” the man asked.
“Yes,” the dog replied. “Jetting around the world tired me out. I was not getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals.”
The dog continued, “To make a long story short, I found a sweet wife, had a mess of puppies, and retired a few months ago.”
The man listening to the dog is very amazed. He cannot believe what he has heard. He goes back to the front porch and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
The owner says, “Ten dollars.”
“Ten dollars! Man, your dog is amazing. Why on earth are you willing to sell him so cheap?”
“Because he is a liar,” the owner says. “He didn’t do any of that stuff he told you about.”
Another story shared with me is about a Baptist dog. It seems that this Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog. Ever mindful of the congregation, they knew the dog must also be a Baptist. They visited kennel after kennel in search of the right dog. Finally they found a kennel whose owner assured them he had just the dog they wanted. The owner brought the dog in to meet the pastor and his wife.
“Fetch the Bible,” he commanded. The dog leaped to the bookshelf, scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the owner.
“Now find Psalm 23,” he commanded. The dog dropped the Bible to the floor and, showing marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed through the Bible, and soon pointed to Psalm 23 with his paw.
The pastor and his wife were so impressed that they purchased the dog and took him home. That evening a group of church members dropped by for a visit. The pastor and his wife began to show off the dog, having him locate several Bible verses.
The visitors were amazed. One man asked, “Can he do regular dog tricks too?”
“I have not tried any of those yet,” the pastor replied, “but I will now.”
“Heel,” the pastor commanded. The dog immediately jumped on a chair, placed one paw on the pastor’s forehead and began to howl.
The pastor looked at his wife in shock and gasped, “Good Lord! This is a Pentecostal dog!”
While visiting a church member one day our conversation was interrupted by her dog barking loudly in an adjoining room. When my hostess had to answer her phone, I began barking back at the dog. He took up the challenge after a brief pause and barked even louder.
The sweet lady was too kind to chastise me for barking at her dog but I doubt she will want me to come back. That suits me fine because it is difficult to have a conversation when a barking dog is in the next room. Dogs have a way of destroying pastoral calls.
It is actually fun to bark with a dog. Next time the moon is full, have some fun. Go outside and howl at the moon a few times and let your dog wonder what on earth you are doing. If your dog starts howling with you, then you will know you have a regular old dog, a good dog. If the dog shakes his head and walks away mumbling, you know you have a dog that could get a job with the CIA. +